Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Kane Wellnitz

Battered, assailed, pulverized, minced, trashed, throttled - Kane has encountered every verb and adjective connotative to a challenging, strenuous course load in Advanced Placement Literature and Composition yet rose from the ashes of battle dripping in enemy blood (looking like Hugh Glass [Leonardo Dicaprio] in The Revenant, but still victorious). By week uno in month Mayo I was proudly exclaiming ‘WELLNITZ’ instead of ‘well, nitz’ as Master Kane was posting a respectable average on poetry, prose, free response essays and a salty average on multiple choice tests. Osmosis, magic, trial-’n-error, or fortitude I know not, but Kane (adapting a quote by Red from The Shawshank Redemption) ‘crawled through thirty-six weeks of the foulest stinking literary river I cannot imagine and came out clean on the other side’. Congrats Kane Wellnitz, Geek of the Week.    

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Megan Tidyman

Regurgitation, although necessary to the survival of many worldly species is (in plain terms) vile, loathsome, and inconceivable to the average mortal. Voluntarily (or special cases involuntarily) requiting a delicious entree to share with a friend or again indulge and ruminate in oneself is...yummy. Imagine then the horror I sacrificially endured reading pupil plot puke from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn repeatedly; even Stephen King would gasp...that is until reading Megan Tidyman’s plot analysis. I felt salvaged and forgiven! Fresh new terms such as ‘introduces’, ‘reveals’, ‘builds’, and ‘illustrates’ entered my consciousness (and I giggled). Happiness and hope filled my soul. At that moment I knew the cognitive dimension, a pillar in the essence of humanity, was preserved for yet another day - “Maktub”! Congrats to Megan Tidyman - English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Clay Madsen and Kiya Passero

I wonder the odds, spread, and over-under value in a physical, academic, and intellectual tag-team heptathlon between Clay Madsen/Kiya Passero (Claymore/Beastie) and He-Man/She-Ra (Master of the Universe/Princess of Power). Prolly the all-time highest Pay-Per-View ratings in history, except the contest wouldn’t be, because Claymore/Beastie made viewing the contest free and won the first heptathlon event ‘Merit’. Sure He-Man/She-Ra would most likely win ‘Swordsmanship’, ‘Eternia Knowledge’, ‘Large Cat Riding’, but Claymore/Beastie are true professional record setters. In fact, they scored 17% higher than the class average on EXAMLET, not including their ‘To Be’ speech memorization bonus. Factoring in that Beastie can eat 10% of her body weight in ranch dressing (‘Condiment Eating’) and Claymore looks radical in a double baldric (‘Battle Gear Dress’) my bet is on the Madsen/Passero duo. Congrats Clay and Kiya and being bodacious Geeks of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Afton Bryant

MacGyver [readers younger than thirty years of age need to Google this feather haired-polymath-stud horse] is retiring from the Phoenix Foundation and seeking a replacement. Supposedly Chadron High School is the location of his replacement. Supposedly a member of the Senior class possesses a worthy code cracking, corruption punting, broad thinking individual ready to thwart the enemies of the world. Supposedly Afton Bryant is in Macgyver’s crosshairs - wait, poor analogy - as Macgyver uses no weapons. Anywho, Afton already carries a plethora of survival necessities daily (and knows how to use them), is currently earning stunningly high marks breaking various literary codes in Hamlet (because evildoers are often Shakespearian prodigies), and is currently only in need  of understanding how a wooden toothpick, stick of Wrigley’s chewing gum, standard 2” paperclip, and empty Pringles can serve as the universal linkage and swash plate for a chopper in distress. Congrats Afton Bryant, English Geek of the Week (keep up the great work).

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Alexandria Nobiling

Once a madame of glam, now a Transcendentalist content with jam and Spam. Her transformation is quite incredible really; an intelligent young lass attached to her cell phone and hair straightener with a fancy for selfies and fetching fingernails initially worried about abandoning these advantageous artifacts for four twenty-four. Yet, the story ends dramatically...well, not really. The story ends without makeup, tangled blonde hair, in sweat pants and happy for a week long tech-break. With pages of written, reflective data on self through the eyes of Emerson, Thoreau, and McCandless do not be surprised if Miss Nobiling becomes anticonformity and antisociety -- dare say Katniss Everdeen, Tris Prior, Clarisse McClellan, or Lizzie Bennet -- and begins commonly citing philosophical verbiage regardless of situational appropriateness. So congrats Alexandria Nobiling, transcendental hoi polloi in heels and English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Brooke “L” Roes

Diligent in progress, accepting of defeats, highbrow in error insight. True life-long educational practices teachers hope to instill in their students, but intrinsically know are innate qualities. I hired ‘L’ to an internship as my personal assistant, offering her some experience into the career she wishes to one day attain (as a personal assistant). What I noticed was exceptional. ‘L’ is strikingly consistent in growth, largely because she asks questions of substance. Even more uncommon was her ownership of mistakes, academic or otherwise; no excuses or blame but acknowledgement. Totes Cray-Cray, but as my intern she even took ownership of my mistakes, which I felt quite benevolent of her. Defying the undesirable humanistic quality of falling into the same hole twice, moreover, solidified her Geek of the Week status. Once conscious of expectation and pitfall ‘L’ exercises a pragmatic approach towards accomplishment. So congrats to ‘L’ and her Geek of the Week status, but now she needs to get back to work...for me.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Justice (League) Flick

Courage-Honor-Fate-Fame-Glory-JUSTICE. All Anglo-Saxon lifestyle virtues and themes in the epic tale of Beowulf. I equally admired each desirable trait, until recently...when I learned that JUSTICE was unequivocally, indisputably, explicitly, unmistakably, obviously the most valuable and applicable Anglo-Saxon trait. How does one come to such a prophetic and defined sense of life altering clarity. The overpowering dominance of JUSTICE. The only epic warrior of greater cosmic importance to the Anglo-Saxons than Beowulf was JUSTICE. In fact, flash forward roughly 1600 years and an entire JUSTICE League, heros reflecting each of the above traits, is formed to protect humanity from influentially dark forces. So Congrats JUSTICE...master of Anglo-Saxon Literature and Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Alex Eisenbarth-Matt Kerner-Chandler Hageman

After reading, reflecting, digesting, and assimilating the three above names, you may say to yourself “Self, what commonality do these three individuals share uniting them gloriously forever in Geek of Week lore and legend...survival videocasts, modeling contracts, ranch rodeo titles, Bush's Baked Beans secret family recipe? ” Well, here is a clue: Moose, Nacho, #Tractors. Still turbid, another clue: Piggy and Fishy’s Epic Adventure. For those still stumped, the three above individuals are authors of the award winning children’s book Piggy and Fishy’s Epic Adventure, co-authors being Banana, Ace Jaws, and Dragon [three second grade elementary students]. While writing a riveting children’s tale full of verbiage which sports beautifully descriptive linguistics, not just narrative, Moose, Nacho, #Tractors became elementary school heros believed capable of altering the universe...or at least introducing young-ins to some cool new highfalutin ways-a-write’n. Congrats Geeks of the Week Alex Eisenbarth, Matt Kerner, and Chandler Hageman.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

DexDorito Applegarth

DexDorito’s sweet melange spans far beyond colorful kicks sporting the iconic Jumpman or unmistakably ornate hoodies launching geometric intricacies sharp enough to cause motion sickness in peeps who make direct eye contact as he subtly bops down the hall (yes the above is a drastic run-on sentence). DexDorito’s assorted incandescence comes from much more than a radical exoskeleton; an ultra cool ‘Chi’ deep within the cockles of his soul radiates into most everything he says, does, and feels. “Hey Mr. Uhing, did I format this right?” [Yep] “Aight...sweet man, nice and cool.” “Yo Mr. Uhing, is this a webpage or database source?” [Webpage] “Awesome...chill-dude, thanks.” DexDorito casts a wonderful balance of flavor and hominess to any ambiance - much like a Dorito. Some days Cool Ranch or Nacho Cheese while other days Salsa Verde or Flamas tickle the tastebuds; either way it is always good. So Congrats DexDorito Applegarth...English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Colby ‘Cheese’ Ellis

Cheese is appropriate for any occasion to nearly every taste palate. The dairy’s versatility is a daily staple in many homes, often taken for granted...until it’s gone. Chili? Silly without cheddar! Burger? Booger missing swiss? Salad? Pallid minus the feta. Colby ‘Cheese’ is a personal favorite of mine, sharply bettering each assignment...until he was gone. The darkness deceptively sulked into my awareness, disorienting each day of instruction. Then, a smooth melty dawn appeared filling a hollow void with a missed lactose glory. An epiphany entered my consciousness, stemming directly from Colby ‘Cheese’:
1. Be productive in absence.
2. Glory befalls individuals who remain fecund in times of drought.
3. The absence of cheese likens the absence of a soul. 
4. Cheese well preserved and prepared is far superior to cheese hastily composed or not composed at all.

Congrats Colby ‘Cheese’ Ellis … English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

JayDANIEL Stack  

“Oh hey, look at my brain and how big its is...and its overly efficient plasticity...and its gaping thalamus allowing me to hastily suck in total information like a black hole whose favorite cuisine is cosmic knowledge of everything” says JayDaniel’s head to me. As JayDaniel’s teacher I am stuck in a labyrinth of cognizance with a superior four pound melon screaming “Give me something to feed on!” So, I throw it some raw persuasive practice, but the unruly encephalon disintegrates the substance, disgustingly chewing with its mouth open and mocking me [envision the 1986 movie Little Shop of Horrors]. “Give me something to play with!” So, I garner some aid and surrender an offering of research and academic writing to the wonder dome...confused on how to begin at first...then tearing into the succulent flesh with the vigor of a giant Tiger mosquito in a blood bank...kinda foul really. JayDaniel Stack, super nice young man with alotta blue sky ahead of him...JayDaniel’s brain, though is one tough hombre. Congrats Jayden Stack - English Geek of the Week!

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Brendinh Sayaloune  

Rarely does a day fritter away into the abyss of time and memory one doesn’t obtain new knowledge for continued existence or skill set for humanistic advancement: adding peanut butter to oatmeal equals taste explosion, pearl snap shirts foster instant swagtastic, offering random individuals with chapped lips chapstick is a poor idea. The most recent revelation, however, has come in the form of a letter...lower case ‘h’ to be exact. Brendinh (notice the h) Sayaloune has proven that adding a lowercase ‘h’ to endings makes them exponentially better. Don’t believe this hypothesis? According to the Baby Name Encyclopaedia there are 25 derivatives of his name - ZERO (regardless of geographical local) are spelled ending in ‘h’. Coincidence...no way...ya don’t just ‘find’ a leprechaun or mermaid. Brendinh’s current throwdown of the English writing workshop likens Luke Skywalker’s use of the force in a Chuck E. Cheese...OVERT DOMINANCE...and further proves the magic of ending in lower case ‘h’.  So Congrats Brendinh Sayaloune...English Geek of the Week and wielder of ye lightsaber pen.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Jayden Garrett  

Jayden is a sniper. Not in the traditional military denotation, but metaphorical connotation. She silently, attentively hunts...and whatever she pursues ends up in her lethal crosshairs...and whatever ends up in her 80x56mm crosshairs...finds itself desolately hanging on her wall. Time is of little importance; only task completion (the electronic time stamps on my email inbox prove this factoid). Timed essays are tracked, pursued, bagged and logged. Jayden applies more camouflage, cuts another notch in her belt and begins again. Next up, scholarship essays (stealthy little dogs) become stalked, chased, shaked and baked. Jayden’s accuracy rating is near perfect with a grouping under .1 inches and 100% target acquisition. Lesson Learned, keep her sights off you, especially if you smell like ice cream or enjoy Advanced Placement Calculus ‘cause ur go-in down! Congrats Jayden Garrett, English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Isaac Brodrick

‘We are judged by how we finish, not by how we start’ stated Isaac Brodrick as I sincerely congratulated him on finishing the semester out academically powerful. I then confessed two truths to Isaac. The first truth was that I tried to break him - make him give up - quit - relinquish - wave the white flag - renunciar - surrender - tap out. Instead, Mr. Brodrick decided to bear down - unwaver - stand firm - wrangle - finalize - maintain reckless abandon - luchar - finish in successful elegance. ‘Well Mr. Uhing...’ stated Isaac ‘...sometimes there are people you come across with greater cognitive artillery than you possess; people you shouldn’t mess with; people who understand the language arts are a Tough Mudder not a 100 meter dash.’ After an awkward moment of silence and me pretending to time my shoe, I reiterated his resilient fortitude the last few weeks of the semester. As we parted, Isaac said ‘Hey, wasn’t there a second truth you were going to confess?’ ‘Oh yeah…’, I stated with definitiveness ‘...you are one hip, fashionably sensitive gentlemen.’ Congrats Isaac Brodrick, English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Curtis McMann  

Curtisimo McMann is the Little Golden Book quintessence of concentration and production. Each day Curtisimo enters class with a juice container, PBJ, breakfast pizza, and most importantly a genuine positive attitude and ‘Good Morning’. Each new unit is welcomed with alacrity and knowledge of him completing it successfully just like The Little Engine That Could. Moreover, Curtisimo proves fearless and focused tackling this new material just like Scuffy The TugBoat; he is never afraid to ask questions or answer questions likening The Pokey Little Puppy. Speaking of focus, Curtisimo has been as temperate and consistent as A Day At The SeaShore. Curtisimo fits into class just like any ‘ol member of The Jolly Barnyard but often acts like The Little Red Hen ensuring he maintains all facets of progression, stability, and work ethic. Congrats to you Tootle … or I mean Curtisimo McMann, English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Greg McCallum

Captain McCallum was a brave soldier; one of the top three on the front lines trying to conquer the epic beast that is EXAMLET. He smote, ‘with bloody execution’ the Characterization Cavalry. The Plot Infantry also posed minimal threat as Captain McCallum proved ‘cruel to be kind’. Archers of Short Answer tripped-up the valiant trooper, but he never fell knowing that ‘the cat will mew and dog have his day’. “I will ‘take arms against a sea of troubles” cried the Captain, but wounded he was ‘suffering the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune’ at the hands of the Line Identification Air Attack unit. Captain McCallum, however, did not concede victory until he met the Shakespearian Cerberus. At that point he knew ‘sugaring over the devil himself’ was an impossibility. When asked about his noble efforts leading the charge against EXAMLET, Captain McCallum stated ‘by the image of my cause, I see the portraiture of his’. So, Congrats Gregory McCallum English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Marcus Aurelius LaPorte

“What we do in life echoes in eternity” stated Marcus Aurelius LaPorte upon being notified of his Geek of the Week status...to which I said “Whoa dude, those are some prognostic quotes you be spit’n out, like something out of the movie Gladiator; like something reflective of your name”...to which he said “Are you not entertained!?!” I then threw up my hands in a defensive position and said “Sorry Marcus Aurelius LaPorte; your prescient terminology sounds familiar.” Marcus then said “Well Mr. Uhing, falling down is how we grow; staying down is how we die” (at this point any individual can visualize my surprise).I said “Marcus Aurelius LaPorte, you are really doing well through this Hamlet unit and seem to be enjoying the text and analysis.” He replied “Ultimately we are all dead men. Sadly we cannot choose how, but we can decided how we meet that end, in order that we are remembered as men.” I then shut my mouth, scratched my head, and gave the new Geek of the Week Marcus Aurelius LaPorte a high five.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Colette Mahr

To be an effective literary critic aka ‘A Regulator’, an individual can’t just be a geek off the street; gotta be handy with the graphite if ya know what I mean - earn your keep… Regulators Mount up!

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon,

yet Colette Mahr was on the streets, write’n words to consume

her Lit teacher’s attentions, while he graded the next eve

she didn’t want to be a punk, just look’n for reprieve.

Colete hit the East side of the CHS

on a mission trying to find texts to assess.

Deconstructing all the words, ain’t no need to freak

all you peeps know who got an ‘A’ on the essay last week.  

Congrats Colette Mahr...English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Naleka Sayaloune

After each unveiling of Geek of the Week, Naleka Sayaloune (like something out of Where the Wild Things Are) stomps his terrible feet, and flexes his terrible muscles, and yells his terrible yell until I say “Enough” and tame him by staring into his crazed eyes without blinking once. Then he implores and bribes and cries and whimpers to be a Geek (kinda funny for a fella sporting such muscular girth). I heartily laugh and say someday...well someday is now. Naleka Sayaloune’s poetic caricatures, The Chadron Tales, produced such commanding and articulate measures, I as his instructor had no alternative but knight him with the esteemed honor. Geoffrey Chaucer, the father of English Literature, would have wept with pride at Naleka’s use of enjambment, end stops, rhyme schemes, and iambic pentameter. Congrats Naleka Sayaloune...English Geek of the Week.

Geek of the Week

(An unconventionally sweet and awesome honor!)

Andrew Smith

Looking at Andrew Smith, a fine young lad, the average ‘Joe’ or ‘Mary’ would say to themself, “Self, that Andrew Smith is a good and average lad. I bet he writes/illustrates good and average children’s texts for good and average juveniles.” Oh, how incorrect ‘Joe’ and ‘Mary’ are in their overtly biased and superficial assumptions about Andrew Smith and his authorial abilities. Andrew just finished writing an award winning children’s book; ‘Put Me In The House’ [a satire using Dr. Seuss's famed ‘Put Me In The Zoo’ as a medium] illustrates Donald Trump's’ attempts to garner the presidency. Was the text written for children...no, as the masterfully crafted elements of irony, sarcasm, wit, hyperbole, understatement, and paradox suggest. Will most adults understand the ultimate grandeur of the text...no, especially if their names are ‘Joe’ and/or ‘Mary’. However, Andrew Smith does a fine job with The Donald’s hair. Congrats Andrew Smith, English Geek of the Week.